


Stab you in the heart

by EpiKatt



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Torchwood
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Electrocution, Episode: s02e01 Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Episode: s02e13 Exit Wounds, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, John Not Being Horrible, Kidnapping, M/M, Pining, Tell me if i need more tags please, The missing scenes from before Exit Wounds, Torture, Unrequited Love, mostly - Freeform, no beta we die like men, redemption arc, salty man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:08:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23408041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EpiKatt/pseuds/EpiKatt
Summary: We all know that John was under Gray's control in Exit Wounds, but what led up to that? What happened while he was with Gray? This is my best guess.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones, John Hart/Jack Harkness (Past)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Stab you in the heart

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Green Day.
> 
> I wrote this all very fast, and it has practically sucked the soul out of me. I've been watching MASH and I had to turn it off so I could focus on this. I did ask people if they would like something like this, and it was a unanimous 'yes!' Thanks Marvel Thot and others in the Torchwood discord for cheering me on. This sure was a ride, and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> (This wasn't beta'd, but I'm relatively sure there are few mistakes.)

John thinks the reasons behind him finding Gray were rather obvious. After their last parting, the one before the fake bombs, he was furious. It was right after Jack (not Jack then, bastard) had told him he’d left the Time Agency, been gone for months supposedly. At first, John had laughed, said Jack would never do so willingly. He hadn’t been ready for Jack’s face to darken and to lowly proclaim that it wasn’t, how the Agency had erased two years of his memory. John had been shocked for a moment, then loudly asked what would happen to their little on-again off-again.

He hadn’t been ready for Jack to basically say he was leaving him. It wasn’t said outright, Jack had a little more sympathy than that, but John got the gist. Jack’s defeated expression, uncomfortable body language, and the speed with which he departed were rather foretelling.

John would tell anyone who asked (who would ask?) that he proudly went and got blasted drunk and had a good shag. What really happened was that he drank enough to knock him out in his flat, then woke up too soon and cried on the floor. Though if anyone knew and said it to him, well, their lifespan usually turned up rather short.

It was actually a few months later, after the rejection didn’t quite burn as hot (surely it would always hurt?) while on a mission that he got a lead on something he’d thought dried up years ago.

He’d stumbled into a bar on the nasty side of the Isop galaxy looking for leads, and boy had he got them. Just not for the thing he went

there for. He’d left in a sort of daze with coordinates across the galaxy (so close all along?) and a plan on how to get Jack back. 

Hindsight's a _bitch,_ he later learned, but that’s neither here nor there (yet).

At first, John had been ecstatic to get across the galaxy and get his prize, but then the apprehension set in. So instead of setting his coordinates to… there, he instead went looking for a shag to get his mind off things. He really hadn’t anticipated the diamonds, no, seriously. After learning of their existence, he fled to Jack, tracking a flimsy signal that would have confused him if he were more himself. He didn’t mean to kill her, but she just irked him, then tried having his head after he asked her about the diamonds. It was inevitable after that. After devising a con to get Jack alone, to get his attention (please just look at me) he’d felt the guilt set in and then had been furious at himself, wondering why he let something like that affect him.

He’d arrived on a rooftop to someone being mugged, still feeling rather mean, he scared one off then threatened the other, feeling the blood pump slightly faster in vindictive pleasure. He did let the guy go, but it took a lot of self control. More than he thought he had, quite honestly. 

His next step was to find a place for him and Jack to meet up. The most obvious choice was a bar of sorts, so he went to the first he saw and sauntered in. 

Raising his guns and causing everyone to leave was quite fun, fun enough that sitting for Jack and waiting was. Bearable. That lasted about five minutes, and then spent the rest of his time waiting taking shots of something significantly weaker than he was used to. When the man of the hour walked in, something was noticeably different.

It took a moment to notice anything besides the coat, but he quickly noticed that the man’s eyes were much older than they should be. He seemed more tired, more weighed down.

He didn’t really notice himself walking forward until suddenly he and Jack were snogging, and for the first time in _months_ John felt right. He melted into the kiss for all of a second before kissing Jack back just as viciously, clinging to each other, desperate.

It was a moment, one John would lock away and only bring up on his worst nights, (not yet, we aren’t there yet) and just as soon as it was there it was swept away with John’s anger. The feelings of betrayal and heartbreak resurfaced all at once and he broke away and delivered a swift punch, delighted to receive one in return.

The ensuing fight finally made it able for him to let his anger and resentment out, and he knew Jack was doing the same.

Afterward, he collapsed on a barstool and guzzled half the bottle of whatever it was, still desperate for a drink.

“So, how was rehab?” John had actually forgotten he ever went. Just to throw Jack off, he mentioned murder rehab, something he’d been forced into after he’d been caught a few months back. He ended up shagging his sponsor and left three weeks early with honors.

A few minutes later he’d heard the slight scuff of footsteps on either end and cursed inwardly, should’ve known Jack would have backup. He sneered and shot the glass out on either end, wanting them out, angry they’d interrupted his time with dear Jack (actually Jack now).

The compliments had been instinct, a distracted defense mechanism, he would later agree with himself that that Ianto Jones (oh Eyecandy) was definitely a looker. He managed to convince Jack to help him and the rest was practically in his lap. Beating up Jack’s team was just a little extra payback, he had faith they’d all live. Finding out Jack was immortal, well that was certainly a jarring experience beforehand. He didn’t know why he pushed him off that roof, but just for a moment all he felt was rage toward the man, and all he could do was shove him off. The shock and guilt hit him directly after. And he’d walked down in a haze. Seeing him in their ‘Hub’ had shocked him more than his own move had.

Finding out the Arcadian Diamond was a fake was a shock, finding out there was a bomb on his chest just a little more so. He panicked, just slightly, as his mission on Getting Jack Back wasn’t even halfway through yet and dammit he was desperate! Being desperate, taking a hostage was an obvious next step, and dear Gwen was nearest him so she got cuffed.

The race to the roof was interesting, except he couldn’t quite remember it later, the memory just kind of blotted itself out. Jack tackling him to the ground however, he remembered quite well. He knew for sure that a needle to the chest was not fun. Those circumstances were no different.

Leaving with only giving Jack a chaste kiss… it hurt. But he knew he’d win him back, over Eyecandy and anyone else who tried. Because he knew where Gray was.

Ever the teaser Jack used to call him, he smirked and in his last seconds, told Jack. The look on his face? Perfect. John landed in his flat, grinning to himself and itching for another drink. He was giddy from exhaustion, and vowed to get Gray the next day and then bring him back to Jack. 

John never really thought about what would happen if his little ‘in’ with Gray didn’t pan out, or if he did (he didn’t) it wasn’t like how it turned out.

After passing out in a mix of emotions, none of which John wished to name, he woke up and plugged in that simple line of numbers and pressed the button. He was used to the tugging of his whole body, and the nausea went away near instantly, so it was with no trouble he began looking around. 

The ground under his feet was.. Ashen. Dead. Every step he took crunched, and he was unsure if it was just rock or the remains of others. In any case, he stepped toward the faint silhouette of a building with wary footsteps. He swallowed, throat already dry. The ash had already gotten inside him, he frowned at that thought and kept walking. In the distance, he could see great towers of smoke, along with large piles of rubble. Nearer still he could see the tracks of large spacecrafts. The tracks were a few days old, that was easy to spot, with ash already covering them halfway.

John soon concluded that the planet, or at least the general vicinity, was abandoned. He wasn’t sure how well that bode for him with Gray, but hope wasn’t lost yet. As he neared the rundown building, it was still silent, but that didn’t really mean anything. He stepped on something bigger than usual and it made a much louder crack. He winced and froze, listening around, but still heard nothing. After another moment he continued, peering through the door-less opening, ducking inside through the collapsed frame and continuing in.

The smell alone nearly made him gag, but he managed not to and covered his nose with a sleeve smelling of old beer. The place looked like a slaughterhouse, there was blood splattered everywhere, body parts, some identifiable, some not, were strewn across the floor, and everything was broken and covered in ash. Seeing the rusty chains against all the walls, he solemnly concluded that most, if not all of the people here, were slaves.

He bent to peer down at a piece of writing, scribbled against the wall in blood, but found he couldn’t read it. The sound of metal dragging against a substance near enough to concrete to be recognizable caught his attention, head snapping up. He narrowed his eyes, unbuttoning his blaster holsters and pulled one out, flicking off the safety and holding it up, advancing forward carefully. 

Rounding a corner with speed, he saw movement lower down and snapped his blaster down to face it. What he saw was barely a person. They were curled on the ground, chains wrapped around their wrists, ankles, and neck. Blood covered the small room, and John was unsure if it was the person’s or someone else’s. They were shivering, small growling noises escaping occasionally along with muttering in a language John was surprised to recognize.

_“They’re gone, they’re gone, they’re gone,”_ they said, in Boeshane. John lowered his weapon slowly.

“Gray?” he asked carefully, voice low, he was startled to realize he was trying not to startle the kid.

The boy’s head snapped up, eyes with pupils the size of pinpricks were locked onto John’s slightly widened eyes.

“Who’re you?” he asked, voice rough and straining, but thankfully in an accented Galactic Standard. His eyes were narrowed and he sat up. John noticed that he was covered in blood.

“John Hart, I’m a friend of your brother’s. He goes by Jack, now,” he introduced, holding back the instinctual urge to flirt with every introduction.

Gray’s body stiffened for a moment, and John was a little worried, before he relaxed and let out a relieved sigh. “Yes, I’m Gray.”

John swallowed and nodded, eyes zeroing in on Gray’s shackles. “Want uh, any help out of those?”

Gray snorted and holded up his hands. “Please.”

John nodded and came near, pulling out a mini laser-cutter and getting on one knee and beginning to cut. The metal was pretty worn down already, and it only took about twenty seconds to cut through before he moved onto the other wrist. He finished with the wrists and ankles pretty fast, but spent about two minutes on the neck, being as careful as he could to not burn the kid.

Finally, the collar fell to the ground in a cloud of rust colored dust and a clang. John sat back and popped his back before standing, offering a hand to help Gray up. He was glad he did, as the other man was quite wobbly, and required John’s support to stay upright.

John managed to maneuver his way into typing the coordinates to his flat into his VM before turning to Gray, who was starting to sway. “Not gonna lie, this will suck, just hold on and try not to throw up,” he warned.

“Don’t have anything to throw up,” he responded back weakly.

John hummed and frowned before pressing the button. In an instant they were in his flat and Gray was on the floor, dry heaving.

John stumbled and blinked, the additional passenger throwing him off slightly. The sound of empty gagging caught his attention, so he quickly turned around and pulled Gray to his feet, dragging him into the bathroom to get to work on cleaning and fixing him. His and Jack’s reunion would have to wait.

Gray was silent as John tugged him into the bathroom and set him on the toilet seat. He stood back for a moment, unsure of what to do. “D’you want to get cleaned up first or have your injuries looked at?” he finally asked, rubbing his chin and absently noting the stubble.

“Shower,” Gray said immediately, eyes going to the shower beside him with a longing look. John understood the desperate need to be clean and simply nodded. 

“I’ll go get you some clothes, then I’ll leave you to yourself.” John nodded to himself as if to reaffirm his plan and then went into his room, finding some of his old clothes, hoping they’d fit Gray, at least a little.

The sound of running water reached him as he walked back in and set the clothes on the counter, watching Gray carefully as he stared at the tap, unmoving.

“I’ll just, uh, leave these here,” he said awkwardly, backing out. Once he shut the door behind him, he heard the locks engage and wasn’t really surprised.

Walking into the kitchen, he decided in the morning that he’d go to the nearest fashion center and get Gray some new clothes, because he was several inches shorter than the other man and knew his clothes wouldn’t work. Introducing Gray back to Jack in his clothes wouldn’t set quite the right example.

John figured Gray would be hungry and dehydrated, and one of the only things he could make was soup, so soup it was. He pulled out the necessary items, glad he had fresh food, and a pot. A few minutes later he stood back and watched as it cooked, glancing at his VM and thinking it would be done in a few minutes.

After that, he fell onto a bar stool to think. He’d have to arrive a few months after his last fiasco, didn’t want Jack’s little team to be too angry. He went back to rubbing his chin, a new habit seemed to be forming. At least this one won’t have the possibility of killing him, he mused sarcastically.

He figured he’d be polite and Jack by himself to show him Gray, doing it in front of his team might turn a bit awkward.

Speaking of, the sound of footsteps drew his attention and he looked up, noting that yup, the trousers were a bit short, same with the sleeves. He did look much cleaner though, however very thin. John looked at the soup and knew it was a good decision.

“Just sit down, the soup’ll be ready in another minute or so. I’m assuming you want water?” John said suddenly, indicating the other barstool with a nod of his head. Gray just sat down and looked down at the counter. John fidgeted a little at the silence before he got up and grabbed a bottle of water, handing it over to Gray. Seeing that the soup was finished, he also made them two bowls, handing one over to Gray. They ate their meal in silence, making John slightly uncomfortable.

When he finished, John noticed a raw looking wound on Gray’s neck, probably from the collar, were his thoughts. He got up and grabbed some basic medical supplies, coming back and sitting beside Gray.

“Can I fix up your neck?”

“Go ahead,” Gray muttered, taking another swallow of soup. John was just impressed the kid wasn’t gulping it all down. He hummed a song he heard on a space station a while ago and began dressing the wound, once again at how stoic the kid was. Well. imprisonment most of your life would most likely lead to a high pain tolerance. John couldn’t help but think Gray was handling this better than he should be, or maybe it just hadn’t hit him yet.

Once he finished, he pulled back and then took their bowls, going to clean them. “You can take the guest room, I figure you’ll be tired,” he said, putting the dishes in the sonic cleaner to be put up later. He turned around and the look on Gray’s face was familiar in a way he wasn’t expecting. He looked like some of the more morally grey partner’s he’d been with, his face resembled them after they’d done something particularly wrong.

His body froze and his eyes narrowed, expecting a threat out of habit. As soon as Gray noticed him his face relaxed into what it was earlier, raising an eyebrow in question. John swallowed and shook his head, convinced he imagined it.

“I’m gonna get you some clothes tomorrow, so just make yourself at home when I leave, alright? I’m gonna head to my room, haven’t slept well recently,” he said with a shrug,

“Good night, then,” Gray replied, voice still rough.

John nodded one last time before going into his room, tugging on the collar of his shirt uncomfortable. Something about the kid was unnerving, and he was silently glad Jack would have to deal with him soon. He undressed and dumped all his weapons in the sealed box beside his bed before falling into his sheets. He’d spent a small fortune on them, every credit was worth it. Past couple weeks he hadn’t been sleeping well, so he tried to take naps when he could. He looked up at his door, making sure it was locked before falling asleep.

When he left the next morning, the flat was still silent, so John just assumed Gray was still asleep. He teleported out while in the living room, and arrived at the entrance to a shopping district on a random planet. 

He spent a couple hours wandering, flirting with the locals, drinking, and buying random outfits for Gray. He’d locked the door before he left, it was keyed to his DNA so he figured he could get away with a few hours off from home.

Arriving back home with bags of clothes falling on the floor, the flat was still silent. He frowned and went to look around. “Er, Gray?” _Bugger I’ve already lost him._

Gray’s bedroom door was open and he walked in, planning to tell him he’d bought some more clothes if he wanted to change. He saw a shadow behind him and began to turn around when there was a sharp pain to the back of his head and suddenly everything was dark.

The first thing John noticed when he woke was a throbbing in the back of his skull, the next was a searing pain in his arm, and lastly was that his wrists and ankles were tied firmly to the chair he was sitting in.

He opened his eyes and winced at the lights. He blinked a few times and was able to deduce he was in the middle of the kitchen. Once the throbbing eased to a bearable level, he finally gathered the effort to look down at what was paining his arm. At first all he saw was blood, but when he flexed the muscles, he realized with sickening disbelief that his VM was molecularly bonded to his skin. “Oh no no no, he shouldn’t be able to know how to do that,” he muttered, voice high and slightly thready. _All this work for bloody Jack Harkness and this is what I get, should expect it by now,_ he despaired internally.

The sound of footsteps got him out of his mind, and he sneered, body tensing and ready to yell at Gray. The look on the kid’s face as he rounded the corner into the room stopped him short. It resembled the one he caught last night, but this one was worse, his eyes had a sadistic edge and his mouth was twisted in a way that made John nervous. He decided he wouldn’t let the kid realize what he was doing to him.

“Why in the bloody hell have you done this?” he demanded, straining slightly against something that wasn’t quite rope, though the movement pained his raw wrist greatly.

Gray just smiled slightly, a dark smile and pulled up another chair, sitting in front of John casually. “Because you know my _brother,”_ he said ‘brother’ with a sneer, face twisting in disgust before continuing, “and you know where he is. I want his _life,_ I will tear it apart from the inside out. And you will help me.”

John shook his head, snorting in disbelief. “I knew you were handling this too well. Not surprised it was an act and that you’re actually crazy. Why would _I_ help _you?_ I don’t owe you anything,” he spat, hands clenching and nails digging into his palm.

“Because of what’s on your arm, and because of everything I’ll do to you when you misbehave. I’ve learned a lot from the monsters that kept me,” Gray growled, leaning forward with a dangerous glint in his eyes that unsettled John further. He also noted that ‘when’ and not an ‘if’. At least he was smart enough to realize John wasn’t going down without a fight.

“My arm? All you’ve done is bond it to my skin, if I really wanted to I could peel it off, unpleasant as it’d be,” he scoffed. Gray’s face didn’t change and John suddenly wasn’t so sure of himself.

“I can see why you’d think that, since you can’t open it, but if you could you’d see a nice bomb. Try taking off your vortex manipulator? Boom. Try escaping? Boom. My plan involves messing with Jack and whoever’s with him, you disobey me then, and I’ll spare you no mercy. You’re mine, and you will do as I say,” Gray explained lowly, smirk touching his face again.

John shifted at the knowledge of a bomb embedded to his skin. “I believe I’ve got the gist, yes.”

Gray nodded, seemingly pleased with this answer. 

“Now that you’ve set my guidelines, will you untie me?” John muttered, flexing and unflexing his fingers for effect. He certainly had no plan to actually listen to this madman, he could just incapacitate him, steal the remote controlling the bomb, and leave. Gray never said his VM stopped working. Gray seemed to think his request over for a moment before nodding, walking over and grabbing a kitchen knife and cutting through the ropes. 

The moment he was done and had turned his head to the side to set the knife down, John was lunging. However, the moment he left the chair electricity shot through him, causing him to let out a startled yell mixed with pain and collapsed. He writhed on the ground for a few seconds, it felt like his body was trying to leave his skin yet couldn’t manage it.

Finally it stopped and he laid gasping on the ground, breaths wheezing out of seemingly tightened lungs. “Did I forget to mention?” came a voice from above, “I also messed with your manipulator to send high voltages of electricity on command. Let that be a warning any time you think of crossing me,” he finished, voice dark.

John nodded weakly, not feeling strong enough to get up yet. “Got it,” he forced out, lungs still tight.

“Brilliant. Firstly, what we’re going to do is get me my own vortex manipulator. Then I’m going to train you. Tonight, however, you’re going to go to your room and think about what you’ve done,” he laid out, voice turning more childish at the end and John hated hearing the words mixed with the voice.

When John just continued to shiver on the ground, Gray’s demeanor changed. “I said _get up!”_ he snapped, kicking John in the stomach and causing him to grunt.

“Getting up, I’m getting up,” he said, voice higher pitched. He grabbed ahold of the counter and dragged himself up, clinging to the wall while making his way to his room. His thoughts kept returning to how he could get out of this, but kept turning up empty.

He walked inside and shut and locked the door, as futile as it was. He decided to take a shower, having a feeling it would be a tough few weeks.

He stood under the hot water for a long while, trying to ignore the urge to teleport away and take the chance. Before the urge got too strong, he stepped out of the shower and put on his pants and crawled into bed, slipping under the sheets with a shudder. His heart raced in fear of what Gray would do to him. Suddenly, his plan to get Jack back wasn’t quite what he wanted anymore.

The next morning he was woken by a banging on his door and Gray yelling at him to get out here. He groaned into his pillow and slid out of bed, putting his clothes on reluctantly. He was hesitant to put his coat on in fear of irritating the wound on his wrist, but decided he’d deal with it later and slipped it on with a wince.

He crept out of his room and down the hallway to see Gray in the kitchen, having found one of John’s DataPad’s and was scrolling through it. “I believe I’ve found a lead to someone who buys and sells illegal vortex manipulators. You have money and negotiating skills, I assume, you’ll go to the coordinates I input into your device, and you will buy me one. If you don’t follow my orders, you know what happens. Now come here so I can put in the coordinates,” he instructed, turning to John with an impatient look.

John was startled into movement by the look alone and gave Gray his arm, wincing at how hard he pressed down on the buttons. “Our manipulators are linked, so I can tell how long you’ve been somewhere. If you’re gone more than two hours, I will come find you, and you won’t like the consequences.”

“Got it,” John muttered, swallowing. “May I leave now?” The words tasted like ash coming out of his mouth, but he managed.

“Yes. Get out.”

That was all John needed before he was pressing the button and was taken. It was somewhere far, that was evident by the nausea that took a few minutes to settle, and the feeling that his body was stretched out slightly. He realized how hungry he was as he walked into the shady building.

It was a bar, he knew as soon as he was inside and he immediately relaxed. He knew how to conduct business in bars. He threw on his most flirty smile and sauntered up to the bar, catching the bartender’s eye. “I’d like a glass of hypervodka and a meeting with your employer, I’m interested in buying,” he said, tilting his head slightly.

The bartender eyed him for a moment before deeming him reliable and nodding, walking away to most probably speak with his employer and hopefully get him his drink.

It took a few minutes, but the bartender returned with his drink and a nod toward the back door. John smiled in thanks and fished out a credit chip, sliding it across the bar toward him. The bartender grinned and pocketed it, going to tend to someone else.

John quickly guzzled down his drink, needing it, before setting it down and getting up. Walking into the back room, there was a distinct lack of sound, and John recognized the use of a sound nullifier. Expensive tech.

  
  


A blue man caught his eye, sitting at a table and looking expectantly at him. John realized that was the person he was to do business with and walked over, sitting down in the chair heavily.

“My name is Dorium Maldovar, but you can just call me Dorium. Now, I’ve been told you have business to conduct with me? What do you need that I may have?”

“John Hart,” he introduced, not bothering with an alias, this name was bloody enough anyway. “I’m looking for a vortex manipulator and I’ve heard you have one,” he said, looking around hungrily, wishing he could steal some of the items in the room.

Dorium’s eyes looked to John’s VM and then back up at John’s face. “Why do you need a second one? Yours doesn’t seem broken,” he said, leaning back in his chair curiously.

“Mine’s been molecularly bonded to my skin and the person who did it wants their own manipulator. If I don’t get it for them, I’m likely to die. Now, I’m willing to pay handsomely for it,” he explained, figuring he could get some sympathy points, however unlikely.

The man waved his hand at John with a chuckle. “I don’t care about you, really, I just care about your credits. My offer is eighty thousand credits, no lower, higher if you’re feeling generous,” he said, spreading his thick arms wide.

John did some quick mental math, trying to see if he had the money and if he did how much would he have left? After a few minutes he nodded his agreement, he had a bit of money from his last few jobs, as they’d paid rather well.

“Fantastic. I’ll just give you my information and you can send me the money while I go and get the device. Will that be alright?”

“How do I know you won’t just take my money?” he demanded, narrowing his eyes.

“You see all these items? I’d be losing money if I stole from you. You’re fine. Give me your arm, I’ll type in my info myself,” he said, motioning for John to do as he said.

John reluctantly handed his arm over, suppressing more winces as the heavy handed man typed. A moment later he was done and John was retracting his arm, sighing and transferring his funds while Dorium went and got his manipulator.

He waited impatiently, drumming his fingers against the table, looking at the time and glad to see he’d been gone less than an hour. He wanted a drink after this, in preparation for ‘training’. He shuddered just thinking about it.

Dorium soon returned, and upon finding the funds in his account, gladly handed over the VM, leaving John very relieved on at least one factor. He tucked the VM into a hidden pocket in his coat before muttering a goodbye to Dorium and walking into the bar. It was on his second drink that he realized he hadn’t even considered asking for help. He drank the rest of his drink gloomily before pressing the button to return.

He’d left with twenty minutes to spare.

When he stumbled back into his flat, Gray was there right away, demanding the VM. John hurriedly fished it out of his pocket and thrust it into Gray’s hold, stalking away, not wanting to see him.

As soon as he neared the couch, that same electrical current raced through him and he collapsed, near enough to the couch to fall on it. His teeth were clenched painfully tight and he couldn’t breathe again. Internally he was cursing Gray out in every language he could think of.

It thankfully stopped after about thirty seconds, and his whole body collapsed, practically melted into the couch in relief.

“You are not to leave my presence without being dismissed,” he snapped, grabbing John’s jaw and forcing him to look at Gray. He just sneered and jerked away, crying out at another jerk of electricity.

Once it finished, Gray grabbed his jaw again, and this time John was too busy catching his breath to retaliate. “You don’t leave my presence unless dismissed, do you understand?” he demanded, blunt nails digging into John’s skin.

“Yes, I fucking understand,” he ground out, refraining from jerking out of his grasp again.

The electricity surprised him this time, and he was unable to hold in his pained gasp, but thankfully this one was short.

“And no attitude either,” he ordered, locking eyes with John. He only swallowed and nodded, holding in his glare with all his might.

Once he decided that John looked earnest enough, he nodded in satisfaction and took a step back. “I’ve decided you’re to have limited meals, too much fight left in you. Let’s say… a bowl of that nice soup you made me every three days? That should do it.”

John’s eyes widened and he forced away the argument that wanted to burst forth, he was too tired to fight back, the trouble didn’t seem worth the effort at the moment. “Just to find a cycle, you won’t eat for another five. The next few weeks we spend together will be you memorizing a script.”

“What sort of script?” he muttered, stretching out on the couch with a quiet groan, trying to unfreeze stiffened muscles.

Gray sat in the arm chair across the room, watching John carefully. “For when we go to my brother,” he started, spitting out the word _brother_ once more. “You will be taking care of most of my business, but I want it a specific way, so you’ll be doing most of the legwork,” he explained, clasping his fingers together.

John just hummed noncommittedly, eyes closed as he listened.

“The plan, without your script, is as follows: we blow them up, but make sure he gets a weaker bomb,” but he’s cut off by John.

“Did I forget to mention that he’s immortal?” he said, immediately regretting it.

Gray stopped and looked sharply at John. “He’s what, now?” he demanded.

John just muttered a quiet ‘fuck’ under his breath before going to explain. “He told me it was an accident, but how he can’t die. And I saw it first-hand. I may have pushed him off a very high building. Hour later he was telling me he couldn’t die,” he explained, rubbing a hand over his face, vaguely remembering that he needed to shave.

Gray looked thoughtful, but the longer he sat like that the angrier he began to get. “The bastard couldn’t die so he left me to do it for him,” he spat, rising from the chair quickly and pacing. 

John flinched at the sudden movement before carefully choosing to try and explain. “He did look for you, near constantly, really. Back when we were partners, he used to make me help, said if I didn’t, he’d file to change partners. Eventually I stopped trying to argue.”

“I don’t care! The man who calls himself my _brother_ let go of my hand and all I’ve felt after that moment has been nothing but _pain,”_ he snarled, whipping around to advance on John, whose eyes widened again in surprise.

“You will tell me everything you know about him,” he ordered, wrapping a hand around John’s throat, prompting a choked noise to escape him. “Or I will kill you and do this myself,” he said, deathly quiet. John paled slightly and nodded jerkily. It was at this moment he knew that Gray could kill him. John was merely convenient. Nothing else.

Gray growled under his breath and let go, backing toward his chair and sitting in it again. John just rubbed his neck before finally clearing his throat.

The rest of the night was spent with John telling as little as he could get away with, even knowing most information was wildly out of date. If Jack was immortal, most likely he was older than he looked. Still, he mostly talked about their tenure in the Time Agency, most of which you could find in their files if you looked hard enough. He spoke about how Jack had lost two years of his memory and left. John left out how major of a role he played in these stories, at least personally. He left out the stupid teenage heartbreak he’d felt (it still burns, even now) and how he’d felt lost, (still did, but perhaps a little less) and how his whole reason to rescue Gray was to get Jack back. John would settle for just one more shag, at this point.

Once he thought Gray was satisfied, he bit his pride and asked if he could go to bed, getting a distracted ‘yes’. 

John figured Gray was going to spend the night constructing a new plan. He was ashamed to admit he was scared, and not just for himself.

Before going to bed, he shaved and showered, slipping under the sheets, clean. He was exhausted. Lack of food, teleporting and the electrocuting were a bit much, even for him.

John stayed awake a while longer, trying to devise ways to convince Jack he was under control. The most obvious thing to do was point out his wrist, but he needed contingency plans, since nothing was going how he wanted.

He fell asleep wondering if Jack would understand why he brought up one of their old safe words randomly.

The next morning any faint ideas of subterfuge running around in the back of his head were snuffed when Gray smugly put in a constant listening device, untamperable and everything-proof. John was well and utterly fucked and it was starting to really sink in.

Along with everything that was happening, he was beginning to feel weak from lack of hunger and too many calories burned. He was unable to fathom how he could go three more days without food, but thought back to his younger years and swallowed his complaints. He’d gone longer.

The next three days were thankfully rather dull, Gray was in the extra bedroom, now his, scheming a new plan and never left when John was awake. John just laid stretched out on the couch in the main room while watching anything that was on the screen in front of him, trying to ignore the hunger pangs. It took a while, but he remembered his old strategy and silently mused it was like riding a bike, as the people on Earth liked to say.

By the third day he was dizzy every time he moved his head, and his stomach felt more numb than anything. Whenever he had to move he only did so out of necessity. It was almost the end of his fifth day without eating, and he was starting to settle down for another day without food when the bedroom door opened.

Gray walked in, expression blank, and stopped in front of the couch, staring down at John. “You’ve… behaved. Get up and make your dinner,” he ordered, walking back to his room.

John watched and wondered when the kid ate. He slowly climbed to his feet, gripping the side of the couch as tightly as he could to stay upright and staggered to the counter. It took a lot of effort, but hunger was a hell of a motivator and it was ten minutes later he was hungrily downing the whole bowl of soup; foregoing the spoon entirely.

He’d made a rather large pot, and ate damn near all of it. After the first bowl he remembered to slow down, not wanting to vomit it all up in a matter of minutes. When he finished, he felt uncomfortably full but found he didn’t care. He waited for a few minutes, making sure His Worshipness didn’t require his presence. Ten minutes later John was off to sleep.

The next morning he was woken by a faint shock up his arm, causing him to jerk upright and curse. He hastily pulled clothes on and stumbled outside his room, finding Gray waiting impatiently.

Once John was seated where Gray didn’t look so angry at his placement, Gray finally began speaking. “I’ve made a new plan. You’re going to listen to it, and then you will spend the next two weeks learning your role, understood?” John nodded wearily, wondering yet trying not to think about Gray’s methods of training.

While listening to Gray’s _genius_ plan, all John could feel was revulsion. Sure, it was well thought out, but the amount of unknown variables could easily throw it from a ‘well thought out idea’ to a ‘disaster that shouldn’t have made its presence known’. However John wasn’t going to tell Gray that. The kid may act well enough, beside the insane part, but he definitely wasn’t a master strategist. 

Toward the end, John was beginning to feel genuine _sympathy_ for Jack’s little _team._ He had mild faith in them, finding them wily when they dealt with him, and could only hope he could get to one of them. Preferably Jack. He really didn’t like being someone’s thumb, especially not a psychotic child with so many issues a psychiatrist would have a stroke at the sight of him.

Finally, _finally,_ Gray finished and turned his actual attention to a very bored John. “Do you see your role in this?” he asked, tilting his head to the side and narrowing his eyes dangerously, as if daring John to say something out of line.

“Er, yes. I would rather like to know what I’m supposed to be doing in greater detail. So, uh, if you would..?”

Gray’s face twisted into a sly smile. “Well of course..”

John later wished he’d never asked, wished he’d waited, just waited until the bastard decided to start. Gray’s methods used the electrocution module, because why wouldn't he? But if John were being rather tetchy or forgetful on a key line, Gray would pull on John’s VM, causing the smaller man to cry out in pain and immediately apologize. The behavior disgusted him, but self preservation won out over pride.

The next two weeks were rather a blur for John, most of it was spent repeating lines over and over until Gray was satisfied and let John leave, causing him to retreat to his room and spend the rest of his time stewing in resentment and hunger. By the time Gray decided they were ready for their ‘plan’ to be into action, John had lost about fifteen pounds and had an infection on his wrist. Needless to say, he didn’t look great. Gray frowned across the room at him from where he was standing before coming to a decision. “You’re going to wear a perception filter, take it off, you know what happens.”

John just nodded tiredly, ready to be rid of the rat. That evening Gray left for a few hours and John slept. When he returned, he gave John a perception filter and told him to wear it, John put it on without a word. As dire as he felt, he still had hope that Jack or his team could help him; was rather desperate for another last-minute rescue.

Gray let John eat some that evening before they both went to sleep. John tried to think of positive things to dream of, just in case this was his last night. He had a feeling that if this all went sideways, he’d be the first to pay.

The next morning, Gray woke him up and pulled him into the living room, messing with John’s VM. “You remember what comes next, record your message and then we leave,” he said cooly, relaxing his shoulders and face to look more like the victim in this scenario than he really was. 

“I’m assuming you planted the bombs last night while you were gone?” he muttered, fussing with his hair and trying to dredge up the charm that had been electrocuted out of him.

Gray simply snorted. “Of course, the plan’s been in action since last night.”

He sighed and nodded, rolling his shoulders out before pressing a button on his VM to record. He’d made sure Gray was out of frame, knew that he butchered this and they had to record another one the kid wouldn’t be too happy.

“Ooh! Deja Vu! Or did I say that already? Hey team, of course there may be a few less of you by now. Like my little gift? Of course, you _can’t_ die. And with all that life, all that time, you can’t spare any for me.” While memorizing this script, John had realized Gray figured out more about their personal life than he thought. The realization was unsettling, because now he seemed more pathetic than he already was to Jack. During his tenure with Jack’s psychotic brother, he’d gotten more over Jack in the span of these two weeks than in the previous months. He’d say it felt nice to be rid of the bastard, but the method’s weren’t worth the outcome.

Gray was watching him carefully, making sure he didn’t slip up, and John was far too ready to get out of this damned flat for him to mess up. “Oh, say hi to the family.” He then turned and quickly programmed his VM to pick up another person, feeling relief once it worked. 

“Been a while since you’ve seen your brother, eh Jack?” Gray had been loath to put the word brother in any part of it, but finally convinced himself it would be necessary. John didn’t say a word on the subject. “Okay, here’s what’s gonna happen. Everything you love, everything you treasure, will die.” Jack had to know this wasn’t him speaking, especially those words. They came straight from Gray. “I’m gonna tear your world _apart,_ Captain Jack Harkness. Piece by piece, starting now. Maybe now you’ll wanna spend some time with me.”

After that he ended it, turning to Gray. “Can I leave now? I’ll send it when I get to their little base.”

He only frowned and nodded, turning away and messing with his own VM. John blew out a breath and began pressing buttons. “Remember, I can hear every word you say,” Gray reminded calmly, still messing with his VM.

“ ‘Course I remember,” he muttered, pressing the button and leaving before Gray could reply.

Once he landed in the Hub, he sent the video to Jack’s VM and began setting up.

It was a while, but soon he saw on his VM that Jack was nearing and turned on that God awful song, plastering on only a half fake grin. He was still very pleased to see Jack, even in these circumstances. He stumbled while walking up the stairs to the top and cursed when he realized he was sweating. The infection was getting worse. He wiped his forehead and got ready for Jack to walk in.

The sound of the alarm going off and the sight of the door opening and seeing the man of the hour walk in made something in his stomach twist. He swallowed it down and continued with his plan. 

“Come on! Sing along! It’s our song!” he yelled, grinning and holding a towel above him. Not all of this was scripted, but it’d been a long few weeks and he was desperate for any source of amusement.

“We don’t have a song! And if we _did_ have a song, it wouldn’t be _this_ song,” came a semi-aggravated answer.

John frowned and leaned over the railing. “You’re no fun,” he said, but turned off the music anyway.

“Thank you.”

“Been here quite a while,” he announced, wandering down the steps. “What kept you?”

“We all survived,” said Jack, sounding rather smug. What John failed to say was that he found Gray’s stash of the bombs and rewired them, making the blast far less strong and less likely to kill. He could do that much, at least. Best part is, Gray never found out.

“You know, if you’re gonna set off explosives, you need to be more efficient,” he remarked, walking closer, just a little. The part John was least looking forward was coming and he knew if he tried to stall Gray would have something to say. He figured he’d already be in trouble for Jack’s words alone.

“Pshh. Oh them, they were just prototypes. Had to test out a theory. How are they all, your little team?” He was genuinely curious, he knew they were alive, but hoped none were too seriously injured. Especially that Eye candy, oh what he wished he could do with the man. 

“What do you want?” Jack said lowly, watching John carefully. He resisted the urge to itch his wrist or wipe off his forehead.

“Want you to know that I love you.” John had carefully asked if he could say something along those lines, and Gray had agreed, saying Jack deserved a slap to the face like that. John didn’t quite know how to reply to that, so he didn’t.

“Funny way of showing it,” he said, bemused.

“No, seriously. You have to understand.” He swallowed and turned around, reaching for the guns and unable to look at Jack’s face any longer. “I really do love you.” 

He took a deep breath before turning around and firing, trying not to look too closely. The noise made his ears ring for a few moments afterward. He dropped his arms and slowly walked over to Jack’s body. He looked down at it and said, “ ‘Cause this, is gonna get nasty.” Gray had told him to chain Jack up, anywhere he pleased. John didn’t much care and chose a random place, hauling him up and wrapping the chains around him.

Hearing a gasp a little while later, he walked back over to speak with him. 

He was a little confused by how strongly Jack reacted to being chained up, but figured there was no doubt more trauma then when they were partners. 

“Coms and weapons have all been removed, so no chance of rescue,” he said, walking toward him.

“This is a little extreme, don’t you think?” he got out past his panting. 

“Why? Suddenly you’re anti-bondage?” He couldn’t help but toss the little joke in, it felt nice to finally speak to someone. 

“Why are you here,” he growled, glaring harshly at John.

“Well, see, now you’re interested in me. Always the same; nobody cares until you tie them up, number of reasons actually,” he called out, turning and walking back into the raised part. “First of all, you were very rude to me.”

“What?” Jack exclaimed, sounding startled. John hated these lines, knew Gray made them personal just to irk him.

“Very rude indeed,” he continued. “In front of people who barely knew me, you belittled me. Can’t let that go.” John thought that reasoning was particularly weak, but said nothing against it, stronger defense in his case.

“You’re serious?” Jack asked in disbelief, and John was startled by much he wanted to snap ‘no, of course not!’

“Second; you have all of time, eternity essentially, and you still refuse to spend time with me. After all we’ve been through together, after all I’ve done for you.”

“Where’s Gray?” Jack demanded. Those words made John’s stomach turn, knowing that this was Gray’s plan and seeing it happen were two seperate things. “What have you done with my brother?” he snarled, straining against his chains.

“You don’t realize; actions, ramifications, ripples in the pond, it’s beyond my control.” He was walking around, trying to look busy so as not to look at Jack, but he couldn’t resist a glance or two.

“Beyond your control, please,” Jack snorted, teeth gritted together in anger.

“It is, I need you to understand that.” He sounded desperate, and it took a moment for him to realize he was. “So. Localize rift storms..” He muttered under his breath as he walked toward the giant rift manipulator. 

“Don’t touch those controls!” Jack shouted, demanding. 

“Hey! I’m working here!” he snapped back. He hated this, but he pressed the button, watching Jack be electrocuted.

Jack’s screams made him stop, speaking again. “You don’t want that again, then keep quiet!”

An indignant “no!” came from Jack and he couldn’t say he was surprised.

“So I think we’re ready to find a vantage point,” he muttered under his breath, plugging the device in. “There we go.” 

“Hey!”

“All set..”

“Whatever you’re planning,” he paused to gasp in a breath, “we’re gonna stop you!”

“Oh. Okay. Go on then, stop me. Hope you can, really,” his tone turned somber as he said that. “No? Alright. Let’s go get ourselves a good view.”

He quickly took Jack down from the chains, and before he could retaliate John teleported them onto the top of a castle in the middle of Cardiff, stumbling as Jack tried tearing away from him. 

“What the hell are we doing here?” he yelled, John scrambling to hold on to the man. He let go and backed up, but when Jack tried attacking him he had to press the button suppressing a wince as the man cried out. 

“I told you, no struggling,” he said quietly.

“I can make things right with you,” Jack said desperately, pressed up against the wall behind him.

“You don’t understand. You can’t ever make this right.” He began messing with his VM again. 

“Attention, Torchwood employees. Evening all. Now, stop what you’re doing.

“Jack, what’s going on are you okay?” came Gwen’s voice.

“Jack can’t come to the coms right now but if you leave a message I’ll be sure to pass it along.”

“What have you done to him?” she demanded.

“No, no, wrong question. You should be asking, ‘what am I about to do to you?’”

“Put Jack on right now!” Ah, there was Ianto.

“Eyecandy! That was so masterful, so bossy, so basically powerless. Get up to the roof’s of your buildings quickly now.” He remembered Gray gleefully telling him how he was going to make them all watch the destruction of their home. John knew the kid reveled in it. 

“Why?” Owen asked, slightly breathless.

“ ‘Cause if you don’t, well you’ll miss all the fun,” he said, injecting fake humor into it. Sure, he wasn’t big on Earth, but Cardiff had very handsome people, and ruining that hurt his soul.

“I didn’t mean fun, I meant carnage. I get them confused.. Are you running yet? No dawdling now.”

He slowly lowered his wrist before pulling out another device, glancing up at Jack when he spoke.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry,” John apologized quietly. “Now, Cardiff, isn’t it pretty. Take a good look. Memorize it, because it all goes so quickly.” 

Jack stood up but was too confused to stop John as he pressed the button. The first explosion sent Jack’s head whipping toward the source of the sound. After the first round went off, he pressed the button for the second round, just as he was told.

“You destroyed the city!” he accused, voice angrier than anything.

John couldn’t take much more and used his last opportunity by walking up to Jack and telling him to hold him. 

“What have you done!” There were tears in the man’s eyes. John wasn’t as glad to see them there as he would have been under other circumstances.

“It’s okay, it’s all gonna be okay,” he said, activating his VM and bringing them back in time as Jack yelled; “stop! Get off me!” but John couldn’t let go.

He took them as far back as Cardiff, 27AD, his VM felt warm from the long jump. He saw the blinking light on his VM turn off and relaxed tremendously, realizing he was finally without the stupid monitor. He looked up and saw Jack looking around, confused.

“We’re safe, for now,” he said, walking up to a very puzzled Jack. “Before you do anything irrational you have to he-” and was promptly given a solid undercut. He should have seen this coming, really.

“Take us back, now!” Jack growled. 

John sat up and grinned, wiping the blood from his mouth. “No way, we have to be this far to escape the trigger signal,” he said, voice higher pitched. He felt giddy, the constant thoughts of being blown up at any moment temporarily dispelled.

“What?”

“Look at it. Go on,” he urged, waving his arm at Jack to get closer.

Jack came closer and grabbed his arm, John wasted no time explaining. “Bonded to my skin, I can’t get it off. Open it,” he said, fake cheer in his tone. 

“Woah,” Jack said, looking at the bomb.

“Ninth generation detonator,” he mused, as if proud of it.

“You’re a walking bomb,” Jack exclaimed, backing up while pointing at John to keep his distance.

John just let out a nervous laugh, running his other hand through his hair, faintly noticing that it was shaking.

“Activated a surveillance circuit to monitor my every word and action,” he explained, clasping his hands together to ignore the quivering. “He has me doing anything I’m told. ‘Cause if I don’t, _boom._ I’m not my own man,thought you’d see that. But oh no you’re so self obsessed you thought I’d wanna blow up your stupid city. When I could be experiencing seventeen simultaneous pleasures in the Lotus Nebula!”

John caught a flicker of movement behind Jack’s back and dread filled him. “Oh God just run!” he whispered viciously.

“Oh please, that is the oldest trick in the book,” Jack scoffed.

“Jack?”

John almost couldn’t believe how fast Jack turned around. Seeing Gray approaching, all he wanted to do was _leave,_ but he was rooted to the ground out of fear. 

“Gray?” Jack asked, hesitant.

Jack couldn’t see it, but John could, The utter resentment and hatred boiling in Gray’s eyes.

“I never stopped believing,” Gray said. “Always knew we’d find each other again.” 

He saw the two hug and waited for the other shoe to drop, standing back and eyeing Gray with hate in his own eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” Jack said, breathless and full of grief.

“Sorry’s not good enough,” Gray growled, pulling out a sword and plunging straight into Jack’s chest, causing John to wince and rub his own in sympathy. 

Jack’s gasps of betrayal and death made John look away, uncomfortable at the sight. He was almost relieved when Gray said to get a shovel. He quickly jumped to Cardiff, a few months before they left and found a shovel before returning.

Gray impatiently ordered him to dig a grave and he did so with a silent sneer on his face, unable to wait much longer until he’d be free. When Jack came back, Gray ordered him to cuff his ankles and wrists, which he did silently while Jack spoke to Gray.

“I looked for you. I searched for you for years,” he said, voice slightly weak. John didn’t know if that was from his recent death or from Gray’s betrayal. “You were my first thought every day.”

“What are you expecting? Hm? A loving reunion? Absolution? Me to say, ‘it’s okay, brother, I forgive you’?” He paused for a moment. “Those creatures, they lived to torture. Kept us just on the verge of life. I’d lie there, hemmed in by corpses, praying to become one. Because you. Let go. Of my hand. Remember?” 

“If I could swap with you I would,” Jack said, voice low but meaningful.

“Remember it again. I believed you’d come. But you never did. How long before you gave up? Months? Years? Decades?”

Jack cut him off. “What do you want from me?” He sounded on the verge of tears.

“I want you to suffer. I want your life.” With those words he allowed another pause, taking a step back before continuing. “This is Cardiff, twenty seven AD. The city will be built here over the next two thousand years. Your grave will be the city’s foundations. Your blessing of life, becomes a curse. Because each time you revive with a throat full of earth, every time it chokes you afresh and you thrash, on the edge of death, you think of me.” This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Gray had told him he’d just mess around with Jack’s little friends for a while, roughen him up a bit. He never said he was going to bury the poor man for two thousand years.

That was his limit. He walked up to Gray, planning to interfere. “Alright, calm the halt, I can’t let you do this.” Before he could stop him though, Gray had already pushed Jack into the fresh grave, eliciting him to cry out in shock as he fell. John stared down in anger and quickly turned to look at Gray.

“Fill the grave,” Gray ordered, not taking his eyes off Jack.

“No way,” he refused, unable to fathom being buried for two thousand years.

“Then the detonator on your arm gets activated,” he threatened, finally taking his gaze off Jack and onto John.

John was filled with resentment and slowly looked down at Jack, who nodded his permission. John swallowed at the thought of what he was about to do. He suddenly remembered his ring, something he’d picked up out of boredom in case he ever needed it. He supposed this qualified. He slid it off and gave it a good luck kiss before tossing it down onto Jack, feeling only guilt. 

“What’s that?” Gray asked, tone only slightly less malicious than before.

“It’s uh, sentimental value,” he lied, turning back toward Gray. Looking at Gray’s face, he didn’t even have to be told. He just dropped his shoulders with a sigh and grabbed the shovel.

Burying Jack ended up being another repressed memory, one that only came up when the self-loathing got too strong.

After he finished, Gray just stood there, and when he started inputting coordinates into his VM, the kid didn’t say anything, so he took his chance and pressed the button knowing he was going to regret this when he appeared back in the Torchwood Hub.

He was only there a few minutes when that damned door alarm went off, startling him but causing him to be wary. He slowly crept out of his spot to find who came in. He was secretly hoping for Eyecandy. Seeing Gwen he felt disappointed, but nothing he couldn’t work with.

Admittedly, coming up behind her and saying “You took your time,” wasn’t the bes of ideas.

“On your knees!” She yelled, damn near a scream with fury in her eyes. The gun pointed at him took a moment to register, but he found he didn’t much care. And of course he couldn’t let an opportunity like that pass. 

“Honestly, it’s just sex, sex, sex with you people,” he said with fake exasperation.

“Now!” she demanded.

It took a moment’s thought before he decided it was better to just listen. Past few weeks he’d learned how to pick his battles just a little better. He slowly dropped to his knees, hoping she noticed how easy it was so he could say something witty in return. 

“Hands behind your head!”

He begrudgingly listened to that one too, feeling rather irritated. 

“I’m gonna need a really good reason to not shoot you within the next twenty seconds,” she growled.

“I know where Jack is,” he said calmly, silently hoping she’d listen. He went through all this trouble, it would be a poor ending for him if this was where it stopped.

“You’re lying,” she snapped, face unmoving.

  
  
  


“He’s buried alive somewhere beneath the city, I came back to help you,” he said lowly, trying to get the point across.

“You’re the one who bombed the city.”

“Listen to me!” he shouted, thinking maybe his volume wasn’t getting him where he wanted. “You have to believe me! It’s Gray, Jack’s brother who’s been doing all this,” he urged.

“Don’t talk rubbish,” Gwen said, but her tone was a little less hostile so he thought he was slowly getting there.

“He placed a bomb on me, molecularly bonded to detonate to my skin. I had to do what he wanted.” He stood up once he thought he was safe from the gun and stepped forward, yanking up his sleeve and showing Gwen. “Look! He forced me to bury Jack, and then he freed me. Told me to go anywhere I wanted.” That was a lie, but he really hoped it was true. If the VM wasn’t unbonded soon he was going to go somewhere to have it removed. “I could’ve run, but I chose to come back here.”

“Why should I trust you?” Gwen asked, quieter now. He relaxed once the immediate threat finally passed. He considered taking off the perception filter, but didn’t want them to see how fragile he actually was at the moment.

He decided to go with the sob story Gray had ranted to him one night, figuring this would be a better route. “They were separated as children. Gray was abducted. When I found him, he was chained to the ruins of a city in the Bedlam outlands, surrounded by corpses.” He shook his head and let out a slight breath of air, seeing the place all over again. “He was the only one left. Creatures had long since gone. I don’t know how long he’d been there.” He paused once more to compose himself a little. 

“I thought myself the rescuing hero. So, it took me too long to realize he’d learned terrible things, watching those creatures. He let me trust him.” He was suddenly cut off by a terrible amount of agony from his wrist. At first, he thought he was being electrocuted and was about to back in Gray’s hold, but he quickly realised it was his VM coming unbonded. The agony was temporarily replaced with an insurmountable relief, relief to finally be his own man again. 

“The molecules are unbonding,” he said, filled with glee tampered only with pain. “Just like he promised.” Gray had never promised anything, it was more of a desperate hope in John’s head that he’d slowly morphed into a promise Gray made, a method to stay sane.He yelled at the pain as he slowly tore it off, but held it up in the air once he finally managed it “See? Free man. Apparently. I didn’t have to come back here. I could have run.”

The silence lasted several moments while John struggled to get the pain under control before Gwen finally responded. “You find Jack, I'll let you live. Better be quick.”

He nodded, eyeing the gun warily once more before tapping into their coms on his VM once more.

“Toshiko. I need you to run a trace for an etheric particle signal NME transmitting at two hundred betacycles,” he instructed. 

“Gwen, where are you? What’s he doing, where’s Jack?” 

“Trace. That signal will find him,” he explained, patience running thin.

“It's okay Tosh, I’ve got him covered. Do what he says.”

“No signals even vaguely resembling that,” she announced, seconds later.

“Uh, no there must be, that transmitter was guaranteed through five millenia, three ecological permalayers. It has to still be transmitting. If not we’ll never find him,” desperation leaked into his voice once again. He thought he was finally done with that. “He’ll be buried. Forever.” 

Almost as soon as he finished speaking, the most loud, jarring and obnoxious noise rent through the air, causing everyone hearing it to cry out in pain. 

“The hell is that?” Gwen gasped.

They managed to get themselves together and stumble to a computer, looking at the CCTV. 

“Oh there’s weevils loose in the lower corridors. Stay there, stay there. Oh my God what’s going on and how did they get out.”

“It’s Gray,” he said with certainty. “He must be here. He said he was gonna take Jack’s life. Destroy it from the inside out. Weevil wakeup call is just the beginning,” he said, heart speeding up and breath coming out shorter as the adrenaline reemerged.

“Owen, Gwen, can you hear me? Streets are flooded with weevils, they came out of nowhere. There’s no chance we’ll get to the nuclear power station in time,” Ianto’s voice sounded scared, and also half ragged. John figured he must be exhausted. He was surprised to admit he was worried for him.

“Ianto, leave it to me, I can get there.” Owen’s voice came up, sounding sure of himself.

“How?” Ianto asked.

“King of the weevils, remember?” Owen replied, exasperated.

With that problem solved, John finally had time to go into the Medbay and find something to wrap his wrist with, wanting it covered before it became any more infected. The adrenaline has seemed to stave off the effects, but he knew as soon as he properly relaxed, he’d sleep for days. At that thought, he realised he needed a new flat. The old one would most definitely not do. He did enjoy flat hunting.

Gwen’s voice grabbed his attention back and he tuned in to listen. 

“I am telling you I have run every scan possible, there is no signal traceable,” she said, looking at a computer monitor intently. 

“Then try again, it’s gotta be there,” John insisted, gritting his teeth together to keep from snapping. He saw when she stopped paying attention and his annoyance flared. “Oi, I’m talking to you.”

A snarl from behind him made him whip around, finding himself uncomfortably close to the creatures they call weevils. 

“You know you’ve got a real pest problem around here,” he said, having nothing else to say at this moment. 

  
  


A gun firing several rounds took care of the weevils, and he turned around once again to see Ianto holding up a gun, and the tendril of arousal at the sight that curled up his spine surely couldn’t be blamed.

“God am I so glad to see you,” Gwen breathed. At first he thought he was going to give Gwen a hug, but when the gun was raised above his head and he was heading straight for John he quickly understood that his first guess was wrong.

“Hey, hey!” he snapped, hand raised. “Don’t start. I’ll make things right, Eyecandy.”

“Then start by getting those weevils down back to their cells before they recover. Takes more than a bullet to stop them,” she told John, setting up her station to help with something happening, he assumed. He did listen, however, and grabbed a weevil how they were and followed them down. 

“You did what?” Ianto yelled.

“Ianto!” Gwen tried. 

“I didn’t have a choice!” John growled, dragging the creature along with him. 

“There’s always a choice!” 

“Okay can we just get these weevils in the cells please!” Gwen shouted over them.

“If we don’t find him, I’ll kill you!” Ianto threatens. “Very slowly.”

The doors slammed shut all of a sudden, John quickly stood up from dropping the weevil he was holding and rushed to the glass. 

“What’s happening? Tosh?” Gwen asked, voice tight. “Tosh, Ianto, my coms are dead.”

“Gwen?” John called out, but his breath left him as he saw Gray approach. He resisted the urge to back up to the other side, holding his ground. 

“I let you go,” Gray said, simply. “I gave you one trip. You could’ve gone anywhere.” He seemed almost disappointed.

“A question of honor,” he decided. Gray just scoffed and moved on.

“Gray?” Gwen called. John could only listen and hope she hadn’t just made a rather dire mistake by calling attention to herself. “You’re Gray, right? There’s no need for this, we can help you, just tell us where Jack is.” 

John nearly scoffed himself. He’d already tried reasoning. It never worked to reason with a mad man.

“His life’s mine, now,” was all he said to her.

“Where’s Jack?” Ianto demanded. “What have you done with him? What have you done with him?!” 

It was several minutes of just tense silence before a loud, jarring, banging filled the room, and most likely most of the Hub. He stood up, ready for anything.

“What’s that banging noise?” Ianto asked.

“Something’s wrong,” Gwen said at the same time. 

“Never mind that, I have an idea,” John said, sounding distracted.

He messed with the device he used to detonate the bombs earlier, attempting to make the recall noise for the weevils.

It took another few minutes before he managed it, yelling “Got it!” while the noise from earlier played, causing them all to flinch. “Sorry!” he apologised, only half meaning it. 

“What’ve you done?” Gwen shouted.

“Recall signal, time for all the pests to return home,” he replied.

They passed the rest of the time in more tense silence, waiting for something to happen.

John was startled by Gwen suddenly yelling an ecstatic “Jack!” and was thankful the man had found some way out. 

Upon hearing Gwen, Jack easily dismantled the locks and opened the doors, causing Gwen to go running straight to him with Ianto right behind.

“We thought we lost you,” Ianto said, relief prominent in his voice.

“Never,” Jack shot back. 

John came out of his own cell at a more sedate pace, watching the group make their happy reunions. He wasn’t jealous. Not at all. 

“Never,” Jack affirmed, tucking both Gwen and Ianto into his sides.

“What a queue for the hugs,” John said, coming up. He tried to not sound too eager, but he wasn’t sure how well he succeeded. The three of them all looked at him and he was impatient to hear Jack’s reply.

“Always has been, always will be,” Jack said, sounding so serious for such a mundane thing. John nodded, but Jack continued, albeit on a different subject. “Nice use of the ring,” he complimented. “Thank you.”

John couldn’t hold back a smile. “It was the least I could do.” A thought struck him and he nearly slapped himself at his own incompetence. “Listen, Gray’s in the hub-”

“I know.” His whole tone and body language turned somber. “It’s done.” John was unsure of what Jack meant. Is Gray dead?

He didn’t get his answer before Jack said they needed to head up, check in on everyone. The walk us consisted of the three of them murmuring to each other while John followed along solemnly. Seeing Jack so happy made him feel a little better, but the part of him that was whispering _he’s happy without me_ was really souring his mood.

  
  


Once they got to the top, he saw Jack race forward before yelling “Toshiko? Toshiko!” Once John came up the stairs far enough, he too saw the puddle of blood. 

“Gwen! I need help down here!” He yelled desperately, Gwen scrambled to follow Jack down into the Medbay, where the blood trail led.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Jack assured, panic in his voice. John watched from above, knowing he shouldn’t get in the way. He also knew the wound was fatal, and just wanted to let them say their goodbyes. 

“The nuclear plant at Turnmill. Owen’s there,” Ianto noted, swallowing thickly.

“He was sealed in. Rerouted the blast,” Tosh gasped out, the pain obviously strong. “Couldn’t save him.”

“Tosh? There you go darling.” Gwen was trying to sound comforting, even though everyone knew this outcome.

“Talk to me now, come on, Tosh!” Gwen was trying to keep Tosh awake, even though it was hopeless. John could see the heartbreak on Jack’s face, wished more than anything he could take that look away.

Jack held her, doing his hardest to keep a smile to comfort her, and John’s own heart ached, even though he hardly knew these people. Hardly knew Jack, at this point. The realisation that he was developing a sense of conscience surprised him, made him actually widen his eyes. Sympathy… how pathetic. He refused to acknowledge his eyes watering.

She died without another word, and the second Jack saw it his face crumpled into pure and utter grief. It was too much for John and he finally looked away. When Gwen’s sobs began, he knew he made the right decision to turn away. He swallowed, running a hand down his face and clearing his throat.

He saw Ianto there, silent and unmoving, but had to imagine he was hurting just as much. John decided to give Ianto some more credit, he was certainly stronger than he looked, and after this he knew Jack would need him. It was a sad realisation, knowing he wasn’t important to Jack, anymore. He would have to settle for not being as disliked as he once was. For now, that was enough. Later, he figured he’d be back to do something with what was left of the team. He was easily bored and they were rather interesting.

He stuck around for a while, lounging about usually, fiddling with his VM to try and fix it, make it less bomb-y. He was doing just that when he saw Jack walk by him and go into the Medbay, carrying a body. John was startled when he saw it was Gray and quickly tried finishing what part he was working on before following Jack down. He saw Gray being placed in cold storage and knew that he was still alive. He stayed on the opposite side of the room, watching Jack. 

“My whole life I was looking for him. Now I have to lose him all over again,” said Jack, softly.

“You cryo-freeze him and then what? You wake him up in a hundred years and he’s miraculously better? Because that’s not gonna happen.” He paused, knowing Jack wouldn’t like what he said next. “Maybe killing him would be the release that he needs.”

Just as he predicted, Jack’s head swung toward him. “There has been enough death,” he said lowly, with finality. 

Something else that John had been thinking about came to mind. “You didn’t struggle; when I buried you. Like.. you were allowing it.” He looked at Jack expectantly, who was still hunched over the cryo-freeze box.

“It was my penance,” he said, looking to the side. 

John frowned and stepped closer. “It’s not your fault.”

Jack looked at him with a gaze so full of self-loathing so near his own that John nearly stepped back again.

He watched as Jack looked away from him again, turning to Gray and leaning down, kissing his forehead in goodbye. Jack stepped back and pressed a few buttons on his VM, both watching as it hissed shut. Jack then slowly pushed it inside and closed the door shut.

Jack composed himself before turning around to John, whole demeanor swapped. 

“Need some help with those rift predictions?” he inquired.

“All of this planet I haven’t seen, you like it so much I thought I’d give it a look. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

Jack was meaning to walk past him, but he placed his hands on his chest, halting him. He leaned forward and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, pulling away and looking sorrowful. “I’m sorry for your losses.” Those were his parting words. He walked up the steps, the noise of it echoing around him.

A few minutes later and he was on the Plass. He leaned against the railing, looking across the bay and watching the waves. The weather here reminded him a little of his planet in the summer, because in the winter it more resembled their Antarctica. He sighed, running a hand through his hair before bringing it across his face, slightly scratchy with stubble. He'd deal with his infection later, he figured he could go a few more hours before needing some sort of medical treatment. He could ignore the sweat and heat for a while longer. 

He glanced over at the tourist office and nodded, walking away.

Cardiff was a rather large city, and he had two weeks to make up.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure on the characterization for John in some places, but I'm rather proud I squelched this whole thing out. I did use direct dialogue from Exit Wounds for a part of his, and I lovingly say those beautiful words belong to the BBC. I hope whoever got this far enjoyed it, and if you did be sure to leave a kudos and a comment if you feel like it.
> 
> Btw, forgot to mention that there is a very likely chance of there being a sequel. To keep it brief, it's John getting over Jack more completely. ;)


End file.
